Lost Boobs Hash

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No one under 21 years of age will be allowed to hash with Lost Boobs HHH. 

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OBJECTIVES:

1. This Association shall be known as the Lost Boobs Hash House Harriers. Effective 01-03-2011.

2. Its place of meeting shall be at any club, pub, vacant lot, parking structure or premises in the Greater Phoenix Area at which permission to meet may or may not have been obtained. Its web presence shall be at www.phoenixhhh.org.

3. Its objectives are:
(a) To promote physical fitness amongst its members.
(b) To get rid of weekend hangovers.
(c) To acquire a good thirst and to satisfy it in beer.
(d) To persuade the older members that they are not as old as they feel.

MEMBERSHIP

4. Membership is open to all persons who are interested in taking part in a weekly hash.

5. A person wishing to join the Hash merely shows up at a Hash and is thereafter considered to be a member until such time as he notifies his intention to resign or ceases to follow the rules of the Hash.

ENTRANCE FEES, SUBSCRIPTIONS AND OTHER DUES:

6. No entrance fee is payable by new members.
(a) All others pay the day’s fee as determined by the Hare.
(b) Hares should insure that costs don’t exceed $5 per Hasher, per Hash. Exceptions to be made for special events.

MISMANAGEMENT:

7. The Hash is not a democracy, it is a Found-tatorship. Founders have naming rights to un-named hashers, the ability to voice opinions about circle, during circle, and the right to make decisions regarding the Hash.

Founders:

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8. Honorary Floundership will be given during the circle based on criteria set forth by the Founders/Flounders.

9. This rule has been removed.

BYLAWS:

10. In the summer months, Hash Time is 1830 (6:30pm). In the winter months, Hash Time is 1830 (6:30pm). Hares are to be off by 1845 (6:45pm), with the pack to follow at 1900 (7:00pm).

11. All Hashes shall be set with the established marks of the Hash. Foreign marks must be declared. Shitty trail sucks.

12. Hares and Co-Hares are responsible for providing the necessary beer for trail. A small quantify of water or soda should be allowed.

13. This rule has been removed.

14. This rule has been removed.

15. Alley Cat is the Grand Mattress.

16. Being that the existence of Hash Kennels across the nation and world is an integral part of the fun and camaraderie of the sport, visitors should be warmly welcomed and treated as local regulars.

17. Bylaw 16 may be excused if the visitor is an asshole or a perv.

18. Trail should be no longer than 3.069 miles. (Usually somewhere between 3-5 miles)

19. All attempts should be made to have the hash end by 8:30PM. Some of us have to work in the morning.

Hash Rules:

1. No whining.

2. There is no rule #2.

3. See rule 1.

4. No stealing (see hereunder – definition of stealing):

Stealing – the covert removal of another Hasher’s property with the intention of depriving said hasher of such property for an indefinite period of time.

5. No stealing, but borrowing is okay (see hereunder the definition of borrowing):

Borrowing – the act of covert temporary removal of another Hasher’s property (property in this instance is confined to items of a portable nature and directly related to hashing such as mugs, bugles and run books). Substantial items such as kegs whilst being directly related to hashing should never be borrowed. At all times the property borrowed is held for a relatively short period of time and always returned in good order. Often such property is enhanced by suitable engraving to record for posterity the guile of the borrower. Borrowing is a complex issue and where any doubt exists the Founders should be consulted.

6. Rain is not permitted during Hash runs. The Religious Adviser is personally responsible for ensuring that fine conditions prevail for a period of not less than one hour each Monday from 6:00 pm to 9:00pm AST.

7. No tax collectors.

8. No discrimination. Unemployed, dogs, women, criminals, disabled, nymphomaniacs, hashers from Tuscon, and even lawyers are all encouraged to run Hash. Alcoholics are particularly welcome. Athletes are tolerated. Athletes, dogs and children, whilst permitted to run, can never aspire to become Grand Master.

9. Down-downs may not be declined, but alternate beverages or showing skin may be allowed at the discretion of the Religious Adviser or his designate.

10. No competitiveness.

11. No training. Persons caught training will be deemed to have breached rule 11 and will be liable to a charge. A range of activities may be interpreted as training, and for guidance the following non-exhaustive list is provided:
a) running other than official Hash runs, unless a Hash event;
b) cycling (fornication on a push bike is exempt);
c) visiting a gymnasium for any other purpose than perving on the aerobics class;
d) using the stairs while escalators are available;
f) wearing of competitive clothing at the hash;
g) new shoes will not be tolerated. Really!

12. All Hashers must commit to memory rules 1, 2, 3, 10 and 17 and be able to recite them at any hour of the day or night regardless of their state of inebriation.

13. No fighting at Hash. This rule is absolute and the entire culture of Hash relies on strict adherence to this rule. If a fellow Hasher causes you immense displeasure by stealing your car or impregnating your daughter (wives are exempt) then belt shit out of him at some other place than Hash and on some other day than Sunday which is a day of reverence and tranquility.

14. Bikes and Dikes OK.

15. Other rules may be enacted by the committee as they see fit.

16. Amendments to Rules 1, 3, 6, 8, 9, 11, 13, and 17 are illegal.

17. There are no rules.

Note:

Bestiality is not covered in these Rules due to the proliferation of Zonie Hashers. As this item is not incorporated in Hash rules, all behavior covered by the above note is subject to determination by the Founders.

Disrespectfully submitted by Alley Cat and the Lost Boobs HHH (this entire document was plagiarized from an infinite number of sources…)

 


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