PH3 Mismanagement

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These poor saps are the ones who were elected to mismanage the activities of the Phoenix Hash.  However, since the PH3 is just an informal group of people who get together for fun, it is generally understood that Mismanagement members and/or Hares for a particular trail may need volunteers (that means YOU) to help out at any given time.  In other words, every hasher needs to pitch in to ensure that a good time is had at all Phoenix H3 events!

Your 2017 Mismanagement Team

Grand Mattresses: Hot Pocket / Temple of Poon
Religious Advisors:  Up In Cider / Donkey Dildo Delight
Great Pretender: Udder Fuck-Up
Hash Cash: Behold My Bush
Hare Raiser:  Purple Penis Protector
BeerMeister/Raiser: Infected Boner / Kimchi Koochee
FoodMeister/Raiser: Ditch Bitch
Hash Scribe: Nair Bare
Song Mattress: Suxxx 4 U
Hash Flashes: Cum Again?? / California Creamin’
Web Geek: California Creamin’

Mismanagement Duties

 

Grand Master/Mattress  (GM) – The titular head (who said head?!) of the Phoenix Hash.  Presides over the opening of the circle at trail’s end.  Capable of telling hundreds of hashing anecdotes all starting something like this: “when I was hashing in Antarctica, we stopped at this pub and…”  Also makes random and arbitrary decisions about hash activities that everyone ends up ignoring.

 

Religious Advisor (RA) – The person who “punishes” members of the pack for trail crimes in the circle after each trail.  Pretends to know several hashing songs and up to ten words in English.  Must be able to yell and be yelled at and must also be fluent in jibberish.  Sometimes can be seen sneaking away with a bottle of hand lotion.

 

Great Pretender – Pretends to be the GM and/or RA when the GM and/or RA aren’t able to preside over the post-trail ceremonies in the circle.  Must be astute in acting officious and tight-arsed.  Secretly makes money by producing diamonds from charcoal briquettes.  No one knows exactly how…

 

Hash Cash/On-Sec – Collector of the cash that the pack gives before each and every run to buy the beer and munchies.   Doles out said cash to the Biermeister, Foodmeister, Hash Crier, Webgeek, and others in mismanagement for expenses as applicable while at the same time keeping the hash from going totally broke.  Also writes down a list of the hashers in the pack so we know who got lost at the end of the trail.  Adept at using the terms “no way in hell” and “piss off”.

 

Hare Raiser – An undercover agitator who seeks out hashers (usually after they’ve had a few drinks) and signs them up for haring future runs.  Will interpret even the most lukewarm response to such inquiries as a “yes”.

 

Hash Crier – Creates the messages on the telephone hotline to guide wayward hashers to the run starts.  Able to talk fast enough to cram 10000 words in the span of a 30 second recording.  Does used car auctions in his/her spare time.

 

Webgeek  – Handles all the website crap.  Often accused of being all too familiar with the term “fsck you”.  Shivers at the mere thought of human interaction.  Gets sunburn from anything brighter than a 60 watt bulb.

 

Biermeister – Bearer of the amber nectar.  Provides love, warmth, and thirst quenching refreshment to each and every hash.  Must have a vehicle with large cargo capacity and good shock absorbers to prevent undue foam-age.

 

Foodmeister – Provider of the munchies after each and every trail.  Must be able to feed thousands of hungry hashers with almost no money and fewer than 1% of the pack falling prey to food poisoning.

 

Haberdasher – Provides hash attire and hash accessories to the pack.  Able to create humorous and long lasting shirts, shorts, hats, and drinking vessels out of thin air (for a small price).

 

Hash Trash – Weaves a creative (if not entirely factual) story of the happenings of each run and distributes to the entire hash for general amusement.  Must know how to operate a computer keyboard and 8.5×11 sheets of paper.  Can use the word ream in a sentence without cracking a smile.

 

Previous Mismanagement Teams (if you want someone to blame):

2016 Mismanagement Team

GM:  Temple of Poon
RA:  Behold My Bush / Don’t Touch MeDic
Great Pretender:  Purple Penis Protector / Anal Beaching
Hash Cash:  Behold My Bush
Hare Raiser:  Atticum
Beer Meister / Raiser:  Blinded by Boobs / Infected Boner
Food Meister / Raiser: California Creamin’/Temple of Poon
Hash Trash: Whore’s Whisperer
Song Meister: Whore’s Whisperer
Hash Flash(es):  Cum Again???, Hoser Exposure, California Creamin’
Web Geek: California Creamin’

2015 Mismanagement Team

GM: Faux Fruit / Donkey Dildo Delight
RA: Cherry Picker
Great Pretender: Moany Hawk / Purple Penis Protector
Hash Cash: Behold My Bush
Web Geek: California Creamin’
Hare RaisersFellatiNo
Beer Meister / Raiser: Infected Boner
Food Meister / Raiser: Temple of Poon / California Creamin’
Hash Trash: I Cum In Peace
Song Meister: I’ll Pack Her
Hash Flash(es):  Cum Again???, Hoser Exposure, California Creamin’

2014 Mismanagement Team

GM: Donkey Dildo Delight
RA: Princess Labia / Upper Cunt
Great Pretender: Moany Hawk / Hot Pocket
Hash Cash: Behold My Bush
Web Geek: California Creamin’
Hare Raisers: Fellati-No / Pillfer My Ass
Beer Meister / Raiser: Forty Year Old Sirgin
Food Meister / Raiser: California Creamin’ / I Punched a Kid / Isuck Newton / Bitch Commander
Hash Trash: Cock Taco
Song Meister: I’ll Pack Her